A TALE OF TWO STORIES BUT NOT TWO CITIES…
Having a GROWTH MINDSET rather than a FIXED MINDSET
How two real life stories have helped to shape the person I am today.
And, curiously, one of the stories is my own.
“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair...”
Purists and traditionalist followers of Charles Dickens have nothing to fear from me. I am not here to dissect and critique the great man’s literary masterpiece. I quote one of the greatest opening lines in English literature partly, to pay homage to the work itself and, partly, to describe how I was feeling circa March 2002.
In the decade before, I had graduated from university with a Law and Latin degree. I embarked on a postgraduate degree in Commercial and International law. The world was my oyster. But, at the back of my mind, there was a nagging doubt. Being a lawyer – is this what my future and life held? Nevertheless, and despite those doubts I pressed ahead. I attended law school, applied for and was accepted into a paralegal internship. From there, I progressed to doing my training contract.
But, those doubts never went away. They lay, at various levels of dormancy, in my amygdala – that part of the brain otherwise known as “Fear Central”. And, when I qualified as a solicitor, those doubts ramped up by a 1000 fold.
What was I afraid of?
Capability? Not really: I had scored relatively highly throughout my academic career.
Worth? Nyet again: being a lawyer was a good profession and I generally enjoyed the intellectual/hard work challenge.
Identity? A-ha – we may be getting closer to the mark with this one.
The truth of the matter was that I did not believe I could be “the best that I could be” spending my life as a lawyer. And, to say that is not to “do down” lawyers and the law. For the most part, I have great respect and admiration for the profession. And, to paraphrase a well-known aphorism: “some of my best friends are lawyers!”
I saw myself as an artistic type. I had acted in school plays from the age of 10, played various sports for years in a rigorously successful but creative manner and I enjoyed being at the centre of social interaction. Do these attributes align with the long hours-laden life of being a corporate lawyer in a big firm drafting 100 page agreements in a back room? I will let you be the judge of that. Well, the law firm I worked for (at the time) came to the same conclusion and we had a fairly amicable parting of ways.
But, before the final parting, they sent me off to see someone whom I assumed was a careers adviser. She was suitably solemn and asked appropriate questions. But, these questions seemed to penetrate deeper than the ones from earlier-in-my-life careers advisers. They went to the core of whom I was as a person.
Needless to say that, 17 years later and looking back at those interactions from my current vantage point, it is obvious – now that I am a life coach - that the “careers adviser “ was actually a coach. And, that life coach changed my life. She allowed me to “reauthor” that life and expand the parameters of my “story”. In Hollywood parlance, it’s called “flipping the script!” So, being a lawyer had been “too thin” a story for my life. Endless possibilities that I had NEVER considered for various reasons (cultural, environmental, self-limiting)) were now open to me and continue to be open.
So, without being boastful and just for the sake of detailing how those possibilities have now become realities, I’m happy to disclose that I now have – 17 years later - a fully-fledged portfolio career as: actor, writer, strategic consultant, communications trainer and life/executive coach.
Well, that’s my story!
So, from one story about “being the best that I could be”, here is another about “doing the best that you can do.” And, what connects both is (inadvertently or otherwise) the inclination to adopt a growth mindset rather than a fixed one. We are more than our innate talents and attributes. We are the sum of our efforts, practice, discipline, scholarship, creativity, grit (and, then some).
The Other Story
In the 1970s’s, Henry Kissinger (the then US Secretary of State) asked an aide to draft a report.
The aide wrote the report and submitted it. Kissinger scrawled in red ink at the top of it: “Is this the best you can do?”
The aide took away the report and re-did it. He spent longer on it this time, included more data and generally polished up the content.
Again, Kissinger wrote (but, this time in capitals)...”IS THIS THE BEST THAT YOU CAN DO?”
The aide, now petrified he was going to lose his job, spent over a week on the re-draft. He sought help from leading experts across the country, he doubled-checked his argument with counter arguments and counter-counter arguments. Now, that he was satisfied it was 100% perfect, he submitted it for the third time.
Only for Kissinger to repeat the blasts from attempts 1 and 2: “IS THIS THE BEST YOU CAN DO?”
At this point, the aide totally lost his temper: “yes, damn it....it is....IT IS THE BEST THAT I CAN DO...”
Kissinger interjected: “Well, now that you’ve reassured me of that, I guess I better read it this time!”
THINGS TO CONSIDER AND DO
If you were faced with your own equivalent scenarios as above and you arrived at the first road-block, consider what actions you would take (creatively or otherwise) that would allow you to persevere and ultimately succeed.
I have this sporting analogy theory that can inculcate a growth mindset. They are “Set Piece” and “Open Play”. Set Piece is the organized and structured part of our lives (at home, arriving at work, having an internal/external meeting, participating in a conference, hosting a networking dinner). Open Play is the inadvertent and unplanned parts that MAY or MAY NOT happen in between (a random interaction with someone on the tube that positively affects your life/career going forward, a colleague popping into your office unexpectedly with a ground-breaking idea, you applying speculatively for a job.... you don’t get it... but some other opportunity arises because of that application, etc..etc).
So, try this as an experiment: go through a week of being more open to “Open Play” and see what changes it brings in your life.
Tell one or two people close to you what you are planning and then ask them for feedback on any changes they notice between your PRE-ACTION self and POST-ACTION self. Then, reflect on those changes